Anger

Ever since I was little, I've been taught the importance of making good choices and how I will be affected by the decisions I make. I've learned that everyone has the ability to make their own choices and that this is a very important part of life. While this idea of agency (freedom of choice) is emphasized a lot, it is not often applied to one of the more common barriers to happiness - anger. 

Lynn G. Robbins gave a great address entitled "Agency and Anger" in 1998. Within it he claims that each of us have the ability to choose whether to be angry or not. Oftentimes we hear (and may say ourselves), "They made me mad" or "I lost my temper". These phrases show that we are not taking responsibility for our own choice to allow anger to damage our thoughts, words, or actions. When we understand that we have the ability to choose whether to be angry or not, we will be more in control of our own emotions.

Ok, so what does this have to do with marriage and the family? Lynn G. Robbins said, "Anger is an uncivil attempt to make another feel guilty or a cruel way of trying to correct them. It is often mislabeled as discipline but it almost always counterproductive." Does this sound like a happy and healthy family relationship to you? I certainly don't want to be part of a marriage that seeks to make the other feel guilty or to manipulate one another. This is no way to let the other person know of our love and admiration for them. We aren't being productive when we allow anger to influence us.

As we apply the principle of agency to all aspects of our lives - including anger - we will be more in control of our marriages and relationships. We will be able to lead ourselves and those we love towards happiness instead of being tossed to and fro with the storms of life.

Resources~

Elder L.G. Robbins, "Agency and anger," Ensign, May 1998, 80.