This past week I've read some amazing advice that I would recommend everyone reads! The last several weeks I've mentioned Dr. Gottman's "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work" [1]. This week I had the opportunity to read about the fourth principle, "Let Your Partner Influence You." While he gave some great and practical advice on how best to do this (I would advise you check it out!), I wanted to take the more spiritual approach that was shared by Dr. Goddard ("Drawing Heaven into your Marriage") [2] and Ezra Taft Benson ("Beware of Pride") [3].
I have found that it is nearly impossible to let someone have any kind of influence o you when you are not being humble. When I'm prideful, I'm like a brick wall. You can huff and puff all the day long, but my faults are going to remain unchanged behind my fortress.
Pride can be defined in many different ways. President Benson gives some examples of these definitions, "self-centeredness, conceit, boastfulness, arrogance...haughtiness...competitive in nature...self-pity, worldly self-fulfillment, self-gratification, and self-seeking." In other words, pride is focusing on the self. When we put our needs, wants, desires, feelings, thoughts, and dreams above others, we are acting out of pride. This is no way to build a happy and successful marriage - or any relationship for that matter.
So, how do we fix this? Dr. Goddard focuses his remarks on the need for repentance. While you may not be particularly spiritual yourself, the idea of repentance applies to everyone. Dr. Goddard shares a definition of repentance, part of which comes from the LDS Bible Dictionary, "Repentance 'denotes a change of mind, i.e., a fresh view about God, about oneself, about the world'... The heart of repentance is giving up our self-sufficiency, our sense that we can set our own lives right." Another definition of repentance is, "a process of enhancing internal awareness and interpersonal accountability." [4] (p 203) Repentance is the idea that we need to change in order to become better. When we realize that we have work to do, we eliminate pride from that aspect of our life. Our brick wall gradually becomes softer and softer until it's merely a house of cards that tumbles over in one gentle blow.
We cannot be influenced by our spouse until we get rid of the brick wall that protects our faults. As we repent, or change, and focus on others more than ourselves, we will be able to not only be influenced by our spouse, but we will be a good influence on them as well.
Resources ~
1. Gottman, J. M. (2015) The seven principles for making marriage work: A practical guide from the country's foremost relationship expert. New York: Harmony Books.
2. Goddard, H. W. (2007). Drawing heaven into your marriage: Powerful principles with eternal results. Fairfax, VA: Meridian Publishing
3. President Ezra T. Benson, "Beware of Pride", Ensign, May 1989, 4-7
4. Hawkins, et al (2012). Successful marriages and families: Proclamation principles and research perspectives. Provo, UT: BYU Studies and School of Family Life.
I have found that it is nearly impossible to let someone have any kind of influence o you when you are not being humble. When I'm prideful, I'm like a brick wall. You can huff and puff all the day long, but my faults are going to remain unchanged behind my fortress.
Pride can be defined in many different ways. President Benson gives some examples of these definitions, "self-centeredness, conceit, boastfulness, arrogance...haughtiness...competitive in nature...self-pity, worldly self-fulfillment, self-gratification, and self-seeking." In other words, pride is focusing on the self. When we put our needs, wants, desires, feelings, thoughts, and dreams above others, we are acting out of pride. This is no way to build a happy and successful marriage - or any relationship for that matter.
So, how do we fix this? Dr. Goddard focuses his remarks on the need for repentance. While you may not be particularly spiritual yourself, the idea of repentance applies to everyone. Dr. Goddard shares a definition of repentance, part of which comes from the LDS Bible Dictionary, "Repentance 'denotes a change of mind, i.e., a fresh view about God, about oneself, about the world'... The heart of repentance is giving up our self-sufficiency, our sense that we can set our own lives right." Another definition of repentance is, "a process of enhancing internal awareness and interpersonal accountability." [4] (p 203) Repentance is the idea that we need to change in order to become better. When we realize that we have work to do, we eliminate pride from that aspect of our life. Our brick wall gradually becomes softer and softer until it's merely a house of cards that tumbles over in one gentle blow.
We cannot be influenced by our spouse until we get rid of the brick wall that protects our faults. As we repent, or change, and focus on others more than ourselves, we will be able to not only be influenced by our spouse, but we will be a good influence on them as well.
Resources ~
1. Gottman, J. M. (2015) The seven principles for making marriage work: A practical guide from the country's foremost relationship expert. New York: Harmony Books.
2. Goddard, H. W. (2007). Drawing heaven into your marriage: Powerful principles with eternal results. Fairfax, VA: Meridian Publishing
3. President Ezra T. Benson, "Beware of Pride", Ensign, May 1989, 4-7
4. Hawkins, et al (2012). Successful marriages and families: Proclamation principles and research perspectives. Provo, UT: BYU Studies and School of Family Life.
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