What's my Role Again?

Aren’t they just the cutest couple you’ve ever seen? Those are my incredible parents. They have been a great example to me of what a marriage should be. My mom is a loving and patient wife and mother. My dad is a faithful and devoted husband and father. They both work together to make the best possible home they can for each of their children. Sure, they aren’t perfect, but I’ve always looked up to their ability to find balance and equality in their relationship. This idea of equality is one that I’ve struggled with for a while now, so I’d like to address that here. 

In order to find this balance in equality, it's important that we understand what equality really is. "Successful Marriages and Families" (hereafter referred to as 'the text')[1] says, "Equality is all too often used to mean 'identity'; that is, that two equal things must be identical to each other. Such usage represents a fallen and harmful understanding of equality... In contrast, Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin taught: 'The Lord did not people the earth with a vibrant orchestra of personalities only to value the piccolos of the world. Every instrument is precious and adds to the complex beauty of the symphony.'" (p 38) Knowing that equal is not identical makes it easy to appreciate the great roles men and women have as fathers and mothers respectively. 

So what is the role of mothers? If I were to sum it up in one word, it would be: love. The text says, "Because motherhood is part of a woman's divine identity, her role as mother is defined by a relationship more than a set of tasks... A mother's attentive love in this new relationship becomes the foundation by which all of the other tasks of mothering become effective." (p 132) I feel that women have a great ability to love. This love is vital to make any other thing she does as a mother worthwhile. 

Now moving on to fathers. "To father a child is to accept a divine calling, a moral stewardship, and a lasting commitment across generations." (p 140) The text defines the "five fundamental principles of fathering [as being]: to preside, partner, be present, provide, and protect." (p 145) Men must work with their wives, their children, and with the Lord to know how they can become more effective as a father.  The text also summarizes the chapter on fatherhood by saying, "Fathers have the ability, for good or ill, to exercise great power and influence in the lives of their children and families. Power alone, however, is not what a father truly needs, nor does he need only the ability to influence and direct a child's life, thoughts, and feelings. A father needs the power to bless." (p 147) Fathers can be such a great blessing in the lives of their children.

As you may have noticed, none of the responsibilities a father has are his alone - nor the mother's hers. "The Family: A Proclamation to the World" [2] definitely speaks truth when it says, "In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners." As we seek to be equal - not identical - to our spouse in our tasks and responsibilities, we will be able to help each other fulfill our roles more fully and effectively. We will learn from each other and grow closer together.

Resources ~

1. Hawkins et al (2012). Successful marriages and families: Proclamation principles and research perspectives. Provo, UT: BYU Studies and School of Family Life. 

2. "The Family: A Proclamation to the World" https://www.lds.org/topics/family-proclamation?lang=eng