This week I have had the great privilege of reading many different articles and excerpts regarding marriage and divorce – both materials required for my Marriage class and materials from other sources. It has become more obvious to me that there is a great need in our society and in the world today to re-establish the sacredness and importance of marriage and marital relationships. However, as I’ve discovered through my readings, this can be difficult to do when there are so many trends and viewpoints that draw people away from entering the marriage covenant. As I contemplated this, I got to thinking about how I will try to prevent these trends from influencing my own children, and I’d like to share some of those thoughts, plans, and goals with you.
This is my cute family. Aren't they great?! In my own life, my parents provided what I would consider a very ideal example of a happy marriage. Growing up, I knew they didn’t always agree on everything, but I never heard them raise their voices to each other. They greatly respected one another and expected us to do the same. I remember getting into trouble for little acts here and there, but the most trouble I ever got in was the one time I said something disrespectful to my mother while my dad was around. I quickly learned that respect was what everyone deserved - especially my loving parents. While my personal actions won’t necessarily change society, I believe that they can have a strong impact on my children’s lives. I plan to do all within my power to – as my parents did for me – show my children a happy, healthy marriage. I want my children to know that marriage isn’t always easy and it doesn’t mean that there will never be any conflict. But I also want them to know and be able to see that marriage does bring great happiness and is worth all the work and conflict. By constantly working to strengthen my own marriage, I hope to decrease the likelihood of my child having unstable parenting, unnecessary stress, or feeling like they have to pick sides. Paul Amato mentions these and others as possible hardships in single-parent homes in an article entitled "The Impact of Family Formation Change on the Cognitive, Social, and Emotional Well-Being of the Next Generation" (If you're interested, I'd be happy to send you a copy of this article).
I also want my children to have a healthy understanding of divorce. There have been a few members of my extended family that have gone through divorce. I also have several friends that ended their marriages. Because of their experiences, I have been able to see when some marriages needed to end as well as other opportunities to “save” the marriage. I understand that every couple struggles and I don’t mean to diminish anyone’s experience by saying this, but I have been able to see points of decision where a couple could have “easily” turned their relationship around. If people in my children’s lives go through divorce, I would like to take the time with them to help them see what led to that decision and what could have been changed in either spouse’s actions or thoughts that could have prevented separation. I want them to be able to see for themselves the pros and cons of divorce and to understand at what point divorce is justified and when a marriage is worth fighting for. I hope to instill in them the ability to fight for the life of a marriage by helping them put those skills to use in all their relationships throughout life – especially those with their parents and siblings. At this point, having only been married for a year myself, I'll be honest and say that I don't know all the skills needed to make a great relationship last, but I plan to continue learning. My courses in Marriage and Family should give me plenty of knowledge, and my own marriage should give me plenty of experience, so I can learn as I go and teach as I learn.
I understand that the best way to teach children to truly become something is to be that thing yourself. Throughout my life I hope to gain the attributes and qualities necessary to adequately prepare my children for happy marriages, and happy lives in general.
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