I've spoken in previous blog posts about the nature of
marriage. I've mentioned that "marriage is more than just a contractual
agreement", and that I believe that "marriage is a covenant - or
reciprocal promise". I would like to address in a bit more detail the
difference between a contract and a covenant.
In the book "Successful Marriages and Families: Proclamation Principles and Research Perspectives", we are given an explanation of the importance of covenants. "We are blessed on this earth through righteous participation and commitment to covenants between a loving God and His mortal children. These covenants, by their nature, are intended to bring the sweetest blessings God has to offer to those who exercise faith in the gospel plan and prove themselves worthy through obedience." (p 174)
To further define what a covenant is, "Successful Marriages and Families" quotes President James E. Faust when he said, "In my opinion, any promise between a man and a woman incident to a marriage ceremony rises to the dignity of a covenant." (p 80)
Elder Bruce C. Hafen, a former Seventy (office in the organization of the Latter-day Saint church), gave an address in 1996 entitled "Covenant Marriage". Within this talk, he implies that even a couple that has made covenants with God when they were married could only be living a "contract marriage".
In the book "Successful Marriages and Families: Proclamation Principles and Research Perspectives", we are given an explanation of the importance of covenants. "We are blessed on this earth through righteous participation and commitment to covenants between a loving God and His mortal children. These covenants, by their nature, are intended to bring the sweetest blessings God has to offer to those who exercise faith in the gospel plan and prove themselves worthy through obedience." (p 174)
To further define what a covenant is, "Successful Marriages and Families" quotes President James E. Faust when he said, "In my opinion, any promise between a man and a woman incident to a marriage ceremony rises to the dignity of a covenant." (p 80)
Elder Bruce C. Hafen, a former Seventy (office in the organization of the Latter-day Saint church), gave an address in 1996 entitled "Covenant Marriage". Within this talk, he implies that even a couple that has made covenants with God when they were married could only be living a "contract marriage".
From what I understand them both to be, a covenant marriage
is one in which the husband and wife have an eternal perspective and a forever
goal in mind. They focus on what they Lord would have them do instead of on
what their spouse should be doing for them. People who live a covenant marriage
understand that marriage is important in God's plan for His children. They
realize that they must work towards Christ to become closer together. This is
explained in more detail by Elder David A. Bednar when he compares marriage to
a triangle ("Successful Marriages and Families" p 28). He says, “Please notice how the Savior is positioned at the apex of
this triangle, with a woman at the base of one corner and a man at the base of
the other corner. Now consider what happens in the relationship between the man
and the woman as they individually and steadily ‘come unto Christ’ and strive
to be ‘perfected in Him’. Because of and through the Redeemer, the man and the woman
come closer together.” This is part of what Elder Bednar refers to as “the
covenant relationship of eternal marriage.”
Now, you may not be religious or maybe just don’t view Christ as someone that you need to draw close to in order to gain happiness and marital bliss. Jesus is more than just some person. Jesus represents things such as selfless love, sacrifice, service, gratitude, overcoming weaknesses, looking outside of oneself, and self-control. As any couple works towards any of these attributes, they will be able to draw closer together. In a way, they can have a “covenant marriage”. As they work towards a common goal that will have lasting consequences for good in the lives of all those involved, they begin to change their marriage from more than just a contract or agreement, and it becomes something of eternal value and importance.
I know I haven’t been married very long (just over a year),
but within that short time, I’ve seen the affect that priorities can have on a
relationship. There have been times when I have “settled” for a “contract
marriage”. I’ve had the perspective that for every effort I make there needs to
be an equal effort made by my husband. If I sacrifice something for him, he
needs to sacrifice something for me. I would constantly “keep score” – so to
speak – to make sure I wasn’t putting forth more effort than what I needed.
When I had that perspective, I wasn’t always happy. I was constantly thinking
of myself and what I deserved. Once I lost that sense of entitlement and chose
to look for ways that I could make my husband happy just because I loved him, I
noticed even more how happy he makes me.
Resources~
Bruce C. Hafen’s “Covenant Marriage”
https://app.box.com/embed/preview/09y4qxqfppbe8oz5uuje39utsdv566rt?theme=dark
David A. Bednar’s “Marriage is Essential to His Eternal Plan”
https://app.box.com/embed/preview/onfgn50ke692o6eq0bqf4ozgptl7zsjm?theme=dark
Hawkins, et al (2012). Successful marriages and families: Proclamation principles and research perspectives. Provo, Utah: BYU Studies and School of Family Life.
Hawkins, et al (2012). Successful marriages and families: Proclamation principles and research perspectives. Provo, Utah: BYU Studies and School of Family Life.
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